In the realm of psychology, few concepts are as profound and thought-provoking as Erich Fromm's distinction between the 'having mode' and the 'being mode'. This dichotomy, presented in his seminal work 'To Have or To Be?', offers a profound insight into the human condition and the way we navigate our lives. Fromm's ideas, though seemingly simple, have a profound impact on our understanding of identity, possessions, and the very essence of what it means to live a fulfilling life. In this article, I will delve into Fromm's concept, explore its implications, and offer my own reflections on how it can shape our daily lives. I will also discuss the practical steps we can take to embrace the 'being mode' and cultivate a more authentic and meaningful existence.
The Having Mode: The Trap of Identity Fusion
The 'having mode' is a state of being where one's identity is intricately tied to possessions and material goods. It is a mode that promises security and validation, offering a sense of self-worth through the accumulation of material wealth. However, this mode comes with a hidden cost. When our identity is fused to a thing, letting go of that thing feels like losing a part of ourselves. This is what happened to me when I bought a motorbike. The initial excitement and satisfaction faded quickly, leaving me with a sense of emptiness. The motorbike was fine, but I was not transformed by it. The good feeling had all lived in the wanting, not the having.
Fromm's warning about the 'having mode' is a cautionary tale for us all. When we become overly preoccupied with acquiring and consuming, we risk falling into the same trap. The minimalist who proudly counts their few possessions is still keeping score, just in a different way. The test is not whether a path looks austere, but whether it is actually yours, or whether you have swapped one borrowed script for another that flatters you more.
The Being Mode: The Path of Authenticity
The 'being mode', on the other hand, is a state of being where one is joyous, employs one's faculties productively, and is one with the world. It is a mode that emphasizes the importance of experiences over possessions, and the joy of being present in the moment. This mode is not about owning nothing, but rather about cultivating a deep connection with the world around us. It is about being more, not having more.
The Cornell psychologist Thomas Gilovich and colleagues have found that people tend to get more lasting satisfaction from experiences than from objects. This is because experiences are inherently less comparative, and less subject to and undermined by invidious social comparisons. A memory, for instance, mostly doesn't invite the question of who has a better one.
The Catch Nobody Mentions
The tidy version of Fromm's concept is a trap I have fallen into myself. It is very easy to read him and decide the move is simply to own less, buy less, want less, and then congratulate yourself for being more. However, this approach can be a form of 'having mode' in disguise. The minimalist counting their few possessions with pride is still keeping score, just in a different way.
Where I Actually Land
I have not graduated from one mode to the other, and I have stopped expecting to. Most days I carry both. I can be content with the worn wallet and the light bag, and then catch myself an hour later measuring my life against someone else's driveway. The being mode is not a summit you reach, but a direction you keep having to choose, usually on ordinary mornings when no one is watching.
What I can report is small and specific. The letting-go has gotten easier over the years, not harder. The motorbike meant nothing within a week. The wallet still means something after a decade. I take that as a clue, and I keep the two modes in the same pocket. If any of this stirs up something heavier than curiosity, about identity, loss, or where your sense of self has quietly attached itself, a good therapist is worth far more than an article.
